Expectations

There is this tiny calendar that sits on my desk at office. It has a thought for every day of the year for my sun sign, which happens to be Sagittarius.. :)

One of them was "Don't expect too much from people. that they find it difficult to live up to your expectations."

And the first thing that struck me was, "How in hell do you not do that?!" I mean, you know.. One does tend to expect things from acquaintances. How do we stop ourselves from doing so? It makes sense, though. If you don't expect anything, you never get disappointed! But then, I fail to understand how it works... At some point, in any relationship, we tend to expect a certain level of trust and comfort from the other party. And to not do that, wouldn't that mean that the relationship never grows, matures...? We end up stuck in the same rut, day after day then..

Whether it is between friends, parents and children, lovers, unless we keep growing in the relationship, we end up stuck in a rut. And that certainly isn't good. So coming back to my first question, how does one stop themselves from harboring expectations from people close to them? And lets analyze what that actually means. Not having expectations from a person implies that whatever they do, you accept them. Do not expect more from them. Well, that makes sense, I guess... But it is not easy to do that. Imagine someone does something wrong, just because they can't help it. You expect them to do the right thing, but they don't. What do you then? I may be idealistic when I say this, but I would feel my respect for the person reduce to a certain bit. That is definitely because of my expectations. But how can it be otherwise?

Consider the example of our parents. When we are kids, we think that our parents can do no wrong. That they are the ideal human beings. As we grow older, we start realizing they are human beings after all. They have made their share of mistakes just like you, and they have learnt from it just like you. Does that mean you love them less? Definitely not! It depends on how you take it, but I simply respect my parents more, because they have learnt from their mistakes. Their experiences in life are so much more than mine, and for that I listen to them. I might have a different opinion, and might not agree with what they say, but for what its worth, its really good advice. So, here, even though we expect are parents to be ideal, we understand when they're not, and still love them and respect the same, if not more. Why then, doesn't this apply all the time?
How about now if your parents, for all their wisdom and experiences , do something really stupid and wrong now? Wouldn't you feel a little let down? Why does that happen, if we have accepted them for who they are, the good and the not-so-good?

So, its not all about accepting people for who they are. There's something more to these expectations. That is what eludes me. It's probably not a question I'll be able to answer right now.. Maybe I need more time, more wisdom.. But then, it's a question I'll always ask..

"I can accept anything, except what seems to be the easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost, the just-about, the in-between."

This is one of Ayn Rand's quotes from "The Fountainhead".

It is a very interesting quote. Why you may ask, why does it interest me? I aim to follow this rule in any work that I do. Anything that we do, should be done with complete honesty and effort. What is the use of a half-hearted attempt at a particular job? Does it not reflect on our capability? Does it not reflect on our character? Our work ethic?

At times, it feels like I'm being naive. But then, I wonder... What gives us the right to say some jobs are worthless and some aren't? Nothing. Whatever a person does, is his choice or necessity. But he has the choice to do it well. And if he doesn't want to do it all, then why continue in that job? If it is a necessity, then why do we complain about it? One might say, if we can't complain to our friends and close ones, who else do we talk to... but just ranting about something doesn't necessarily make it better. Maybe, instead of that, we need to take charge of our own lives and do something. The definition of that something might be different for different people. Does this mean something good? Or something right? By whose standards?

This reminds me of another one of her quotes from "Atlas Shrugged" ... "For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors - between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it."

How true.

Chemistry...

I have always wondered what draws a person to another. We make friends so easily with some people... Its instinctual... Chemistry, its termed. You have a good chemistry, people say. But I have always wondered how it works. Haven't you?

It is defined as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. Causes are stated as similarity (Birds of a feather flock together) , more exposure to a person, complementarity (Opposites attract) and so on and so forth. But it still doesn't explain it completely. It is easier to just presume it to be another one of the mysterious workings of our mind and let it be. But the question still stands...

Movies, movies and more movies...

This weekend has been spent in watching movies.
I have now seen:
Milk.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Changeling.
Mamma Mia.
Pink Panther 2.
Raaz 2.
Luck by Chance.

Yes, that's a lot of movies for 2 days, make that 1 1/2 days.. But it was fun, to be a couch potato after a very long time..

The first three movies, brilliant acting. Sean Penn has outdone himself as Harvey Milk. Really. I've always considered him to be a really good actor, but this was an almost perfect performance. Brad Pitt as Benjamin button, very controlled acting. His portrayal of a child trapped in a much older body was touching. You could actually see the child-like innocence. Angelina Jolie, as a mother looking for her son, comes across as just that, a troubled mother looking for her lost son. Considering that I don't really like her for her acting skills, it was a pleasant surprise to see her in this role. One can almost feel her character's anguish, which says a lot about her work in this movie.

Pink Panther 2. The movie wasn't anything memorable. It just looked like the same ol' same ol'. I personally prefer the Peter Sellers' movies, but then, atleast the first movie was better than this sequel. Mamma Mia was a pleasant change from all the serious movies. A musical, through and through, it was a light-hearted comedy which was a lot of fun! Raaz 2, not a movie I would recommend to anyone! Nothing more to be said about it. Luck by Chance, was again an interesting surprise. I expected a normal hindi commercial movie - loads of over-acting and not much of a story. But to be truthful, it was a very pleasant movie to watch. Nothing earth shattering, but not a bad movie, either. Even though the performances weren't memorable, the acting was really good. I didn't once get bored in the movie (except that I forwarded all the Song sequences!) .

All in all, a great weekend! Should repeat it again.. Not too soon, though! :)

Conversations at a coffee shop.

So today, a conversation with a friend of mine and two other ladies got me thinking. We were talking about how easy life is abroad and how life is in India. A lot of people who have lived abroad and come back to India find a glaring change in the attitudes of people towards rules and regulations. We just don't seem to want to follow rules. Even if we want to, we can't because nobody else does. A simple example my friend gave was about traffic. Even if we want to follow rules and drive as we're actually supposed to, we cannot, because then we wouldn't get anywhere!!!! So, we end up having to bend the rules a little bit.

This has got to change, right? I mean, even if we want to do things the right way, we can't. I like what one of the ladies said, that to change things here, we first have to become a goonda to get rid of all the goondas. Well, that defeats the whole purpose then!!! And how can we guarantee that the supposed "good goondas" don't abuse their power and then its the same thing all over again. A vicious circle!

Well, then what? Can we as individuals do anything about it? Or do we just take the best way out and go stay somewhere else and come to India once a year for a holiday? But if all of us do that, then how can we change things? Well, of course this is something to think about only if we want to see some change in how things work here. For those who don't, I'd advise you to not even bother with this post!! :-) But for us weird creatures who actually care a damn, what can we do other than join politics, the dirty business? The only thing I can think of is to slowly be the change that we want to see. I know, things will not change in a day, maybe not even in the next couple of years. But, they will. At least, I live with the hope that they will!

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde.


This was a quote I just read sometime back, and it surprised me. I have always considered myself as a selfish person, because I always put myself first in all my decisions. I have always lived by my values and my rules. I hope to continue doing so.

So, this quote came as a pleasant surprise, because it made me think about my definition of selfishness. My definition stems from how others define it, how society defines it. But that doesn't have to be the correct thing, right? I mean, people can be wrong, that has been proved many times. So why should I consider myself selfish? I have never asked anyone else to think like me, or support my beliefs. I have never asked people to live as I do. I try not to force my thoughts on anyone. So what does that make me? By Oscar Wilde's definition, I guess, I'm a normal human being. Well, that's nice.

An Accident of Birth?

I was just watching this movie, Slumdog Millionaire. What hit me most was that I was so lucky to have been born into my family. If I was born on the streets, my life would certainly have been something very different from what it is now! Is everything an accident of birth? Yes, what we make of the cards that we've been dealt with, depends on us. But we can never choose what cards are dealt. We can never choose our birth, our parents.

So where does that leave me now? I have this epiphany and I do not know what I can do. Do I just thank "God" for my luck and go about my life? Or do I do something about those little ones who weren't as lucky as me? I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea.

I have always wondered what a blog is all about. Some people use it as a diary, recording their life into it. But why would anyone want the whole of their life to be public? Why would anyone want their thoughts to be read by everyone. Is this one way of leaving behind something in this world. A footprint of sorts, of our minds...

But then, thoughts are random... It is not the tedious things we do everyday, not the monotony of life, but those rare moments of total lucidity and incomprehensible curiosity about everything. Why would we want these private thoughts to be completely public, where anyone and everyone can read them? Is it because we overestimate our intellectual capabilities, because we think that what we have to say is so good, so right, that everyone should get a chance to read it?

I just wrote all this down, I think, because I wanted to try it. Whether I continue with this habit, write something down periodically or not, does not really matter to me. But will this allow me to meet people who think like me, or think about such things no matter if their opinions differ from mine? That is the beauty of ideas and thoughts. There is no single right idea or thought. Everyone is entitled to their own. And to meet minds like those would definitely be worth all this effort, now, wouldn't it?

An Ideal Evening..

It was an ideal evening today. Ideal, I say not only because I left work early, but also for what I did next. My roomie and me decided to have a quiet evening.. So, we made tea and sat in the balcony, switched off all the lights and listened to Sufi music.
Almost perfect, yes?
It was ideal , thanks to the conversation and at times, the lack of it. Interesting talk, comfortable silences, soulful music. It feels like the perfect end to a day.